It’s been one year since we moved cross country. Hell, it’s been an excruciating, oh-so trying, dear God take me now kinda year since we packed up and left Cincinnati.
I’m still recovering. Before the move, I spent 34 days alone with two kids and two dogs packing and purging items from our house. I said goodbye to our friends and family alone since my husband wasn’t able to come back from his new job. We lived in a Seattle hotel with for three weeks before our belongings arrived. We moved into a new house. I unpacked it. I found my daughter a new preschool, researched dentists and doctors, found local parks, etc etc. And I cried. Because I was overwhelmed and exhausted. All the time.
Everyday felt like I was knee-high in a pool of mud. I pushed my legs to keep going, my mind to keep trying, but the mud was never-ending and my thoughts became fuzzy. I had no energy, felt anxiety over trivial tasks, and my hair was falling out.
My naturopath diagnosed me with adrenal fatigue. I had rationalized away all my symptoms as simply part of being a mom. Us moms joke about pulling out our hair, but mine was falling out and clogging the shower drain. I convinced myself it was post-partum hair loss even though my son was two years old. How?!
I pulled back the reins and focused on myself without guilt. Fine, with some guilt. The kids will survive playing in the backyard with toys instead of being carted across town to the park. We’ll put together puzzles and color instead of driving to a daily play date. I’ll not get involved in every mom’s group and neighborhood event in an attempt to make friends. Friends will come with time. Right now, I need time to myself.
The most difficult part was admitting I couldn’t handle everything. I know moms who easily pack up a house with four kids and run off to somewhere new without breaking a sweat. But not me. I’m learning to be okay with it.
It’s been eight months since my diagnosis. I’m still taking supplements to help with adrenal fatigue, but I’m in a much better place. My hair is growing back, I have an increase in my energy and I’m less irritable. I also have a strict bedtime and refuse to over schedule myself or the kids.
I remind myself to have grace and focus on what’s most important in our lives. For now, I try to schedule only a few activities at a time, and try not to take on more than I can handle. I still struggle with learning my limits, but am working on it. Now I’m off to my daughter’s Girl Scout meeting. Did I mention I’m the troop leader for 18 kindergartners? Eh, I’m a work in progress, remember?
The Finn and I 